Home | Bio | CDs | Legends | Dugg's Corner Pictures | Swing Links | Contact

Don't We All?
I was parked in front of the mall wiping off my car. I had just come from the car wash and was waiting for my wife to get out of work. Coming my way from across the parking lot was what society would consider a bum. From the looks of him, he had no car, no home, no clean clothes and no money.

There are times when you feel generous but there are other times that you just don't want to be bothered. This was one of those "don't want to be bothered" times. "I hope he doesn't ask me for any money," I thought. He didn't.

He came and sat on the curb in front of the bus stop, but he didn't look like he could have enough money to even ride the bus. After a few minutes he spoke. "That's a very pretty car," he said. He was ragged by he had an air of dignity around him. His scraggly blond beard kept more than his face warm. I said "thanks," and continued wiping off my car. He sat there quietly as I worked. The expected plea for money never came. As the silence between us widened something inside said, "ask him if he needs any help." I was sure he would say yes, but I held true to the inner voice. "Do you need any help?" I asked.

He answered in three simple but profound words that I shall never forget. We often look for wisdom in great men and women. We expect it from those of higher learning and accomplishments. I expected nothing but an outstretched grimy hand. He spoke the three words that shook me. "Don't we all?" he said. I needed help. Maybe not for bus fare or a place to sleep, but I needed help.

Those three little words ring true. No matter how much you have, no matter how much you have accomplished, you need help too. No matter how little you have, no matter how loaded you are with problems, even without money or a place to sleep, you can give help. Even if it's just a compliment, you can give that.

You never know when you may see someone who appears to have it all. They are waiting on you to give them what they don't have. A different perspective on life, a glimpse at something beautiful, a respite from daily chaos, that only you through a torn world can see. Maybe the man was just a homeless stranger wandering the streets. Maybe he was more than that. Maybe he was sent by a power that is great and wise, to minister to a soul too comfortable in themselves, and was asked to go to that man cleaning the car... that man needs help.

Don't we all?


AMERICANS WITH NO ABILITIES ACT
News of the future
AMERICANS WITH NO ABILITIES ACT PASSES CONGRESS - WASHINGTON, DC

Congress approved sweeping legislation,which provides new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA), signed into law by President Whomever shortly after its passage, is being hailed as a major victory by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said Presiden Whomever, a longtime AWNAA supporter. "This is why many of them voted for me. We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they do a better job, or have some idea of what they are doing", said President Whomever.

Private sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%),and home improvement "warehouse" stores (65%) President Whomever has also set an example, personally selecting hundreds of Nonabled people for top government positions, including many cabinet-level jobs. "If they don't have a clue, they belong in government," said a high ranking official.

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million "middle man" positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance. Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given, to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations which maintain a significant level of Persons of Inability in top positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires. Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Nonabled, banning discriminatory interview questions such as "Do you have any goals for the future?" or "Do you have any skills or experience which relate to this job?" and "Are you awake?"

"As a Nonabled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, MI due to her lack of notable job skills. "This new law should really help people like me."

With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. Said President Whomever, "It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation."


A GREAT STORY:
A Military Mom tells this about her son ....

As some of you may know, one of my sons serves in the military. He is still stateside, here in California. He called me yesterday to let me know how warm and welcoming people were to him, and his troops, everywhere he goes, telling me how people shake their hands, and thank them for being willing to serve, and fight, for not only our own freedoms but so that others may have them also.

But he also told me about an incident in the grocery store he stopped at yesterday, on his way home from the base. He said that ahead of several people in front of him stood a woman dressed in a burkha. He said when she got to the cashier she loudly remarked about the US flag lapel pin the cashier wore on her smock.

The cashier reached up and touched the pin, and said proudly, "Yes, I always wear it and I probably always will."

The woman in the burkha then asked the cashier when she was going to stop bombing her countrymen, explaining that she was an Iraqi.

A gentleman standing behind my son stepped forward, putting his arm around my son's shoulders, and nodding towards my son, said in a calm and gentle voice to the Iraqi woman:

"Lady, hundreds of thousands of men and women like this young man have fought and died so that YOU could stand here, in MY country and accuse a check-out cashier of bombing YOUR countrymen.

It is my belief that had you been this outspoken in YOUR own country, we would'nt need to be there today. But, hey, if you have now learned how to speak out so loudly and clearly, I'll gladly buy you a ticket and pay your way back to Iraq so you can straighten out the mess in YOUR country that you are obviously here in MY country to avoid."


A Lawyer's Question
A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial--a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."

At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you ask her if she knows me, you'll be in jail for contempt within 5 minutes!"


BLESSINGS
I DREAMT THAT I WENT TO HEAVEN AND AN ANGEL WAS SHOWING ME AROUND.
WE WALKED SIDE-BY-SIDE INSIDE A LARGE WORKROOM FILLED WITH ANGELS.

MY ANGEL GUIDE STOPPED IN FRONT OF THE FIRST SECTION
AND SAID, "THIS IS THE RECEIVING SECTION
HERE, ALL PETITIONS TO GOD SAID IN PRAYER ARE RECEIVED."

I LOOKED AROUND IN THIS AREA, AND IT WAS TERRIBLY BUSY
WITH SO MANY ANGELS SORTING OUT PETITIONS WRITTEN ON VOLUMINOUS PAPER SHEETS
AND SCRAPS FROM PEOPLE ALL OVER THE WORLD.

THEN WE MOVED ON DOWN A LONG CORRIDOR UNTIL WE REACHED THE SECOND SECTION.

THE ANGEL THEN SAID TO ME, "THIS IS THE PACKAGING AND DELIVERY SECTION. HERE,
THE GRACES AND BLESSINGS THE PEOPLE ASKED FOR ARE PROCESSED
AND DELIVERED TO THE LIVING PERSONS WHO ASKED FOR THEM."

I NOTICED AGAIN HOW BUSY IT WAS THERE.
THERE WERE MANY ANGELS WORKING HARD AT THAT STATION, SINCE SO MANY BLESSINGS HAD BEEN REQUESTED AND WERE BEING PACKAGED FOR DELIVERY TO EARTH.

FINALLY AT THE FARTHEST END OF THE LONG CORRIDOR WE STOPPED AT THE DOOR
OF A VERY SMALL STATION. TO MY GREAT SURPRISE,
ONLY ONE ANGEL WAS SEATED THERE, IDLY DOING NOTHING.

"THIS IS THE ACKNOWLEDGMENT SECTION," MY ANGEL FRIEND QUIETLY ADMITTED TO ME.
HE SEEMED EMBARRASSED. "HOW IS IT THAT THERE'S NO WORK GOING ON HERE?" I ASKED.
"SO SAD," THE ANGEL SIGHED, "AFTER PEOPLE RECEIVE THE BLESSINGS THAT THEY ASKED FOR, VERY FEW SEND BACK ACKNOWLEDGMENTS."

"HOW DOES ONE ACKNOWLEDGE GOD'S BLESSINGS?" I ASKED.
"SIMPLE," THE ANGEL ANSWERED. "JUST SAY, "THANK YOU, LORD."
"WHAT BLESSINGS SHOULD THEY ACKNOWLEDGE?" I ASKED.
"IF YOU HAVE FOOD IN THE REFRIGERATOR, CLOTHES ON YOUR BACK,
A ROOF OVERHEAD AND A PLACE TO SLEEP....
YOU ARE RICHER THAN 75% OF THIS WORLD.

"IF YOU HAVE MONEY IN THE BANK, IN YOUR WALLET, AND SPARE CHANGE IN A DISH,
YOU ARE AMONG THE TOP 8% OF THE WORLD'S WEALTHY.

ALSO...."IF YOU WOKE UP THIS MORNING WITH MORE HEALTH THAN ILLNESS ... YOU ARE MORE BLESSED THAN THE MANY WHO WILL NOT EVEN SURVIVE THIS DAY.

"IF YOU HAVE NEVER EXPERIENCED THE FEAR IN BATTLE,
THE LONELINESS OF IMPRISONMENT,
THE AGONY OF TORTURE,
OR THE PANGS OF STARVATION .
YOU ARE AHEAD OF 700 MILLION PEOPLE IN THE WORLD."

"IF YOU CAN ATTEND A CHURCH MEETING WITHOUT FEAR OF HARASSMENT,
ARREST, TORTURE OR DEATH ..... YOU ARE ENVIED BY,
AND MORE BLESSED THAN THREE BILLION PEOPLE IN THE WORLD.

"IF YOUR PARENTS ARE STILL ALIVE AND STILL MARRIED....
YOU ARE VERY RARE. IF YOU CAN HOLD YOUR HEAD UP AND SMILE,
YOU ARE NOT THE NORM, YOU ARE UNIQUE TO ALL THOSE IN DOUBT AND DESPAIR."
OK, WHAT NOW? HOW CAN I START?

IF YOU CAN HEAR THIS MESSAGE,
YOU JUST RECEIVED A DOUBLE BLESSING IN THAT SOMEONE WAS THINKING OF YOU
AS VERY SPECIAL AND YOU ARE BLESSED. HAVE A GOOD DAY, COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS,
AND IF YOU WANT, PASS THIS ALONG TO REMIND EVERYONE ELSE HOW BLESSED WE ALL ARE,
JUST SAY, ATTN: ACKNOWLEDGE DEPARTMENT: THANK YOU LORD!

THANK YOU LORD, FOR GIVING ME THE ABILITY TO SHARE THIS MESSAGE
AND FOR GIVING ME SO MANY WONDERFUL PEOPLE TO SHARE IT WITH.


DAD AND ME
Dugg Collins
I was always by his side,
when I was just a kid.
Trying hard to copy,
everything he did.

He was my inspiration,
he was my best friend.
It's still the same with us today,
as it was way back then.

He taught me the difference,
between right and wrong.
He instilled his morals and values,
that seem to keep me strong.

He helped me to survive,
a broken heart or two.
He knew exactly how I felt,
'cause, he was young once too.

>From him, I learned the words,
to many country songs.
And how to chord a guitar,
so I could sing along.

My Dad's a little older now,
the years have flown away.
But his smile and sense of humor,
still comfort me each day.

He loves to have his Grand-Kids,
snuggled closely by his side.
>From time to time I see a tear,
he just can't seem to hide.

I know that he's remembering,
the time we shared back then.
When I did my best to copy,
everything he did.


Be Careful What You Wish For

A married couple in their early 60s were out celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said, "For being such an exemplary married couple and for being faithful to each other for all this time, I will give you each a wish." "Oh, I want to travel around the world with my dearest husband!" said the wife. The fairy moved her magic stick and - abracadabra! - Two tickets for the QM2 luxury liner appeared in her hands. Now it was the husband's turn. He thought for a moment and said: "Well this is all very romantic - but an opportunity like this only occurs once in a lifetime...so... I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me." The wife - and the fairy - were deeply disappointed, but a wish was a wish... So the Fairy made a circle with her magic stick and - abracadabra! - The husband became 92 years old.

You see . . . Men might be jerks . . . But fairies are . . . female.


Because I am A Man

BECAUSE I AM A MAN:

This has been a public service message for Women so that you may better understand MEN.

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire long after hypothermia has set in. The Auto Club is not an option. I will win.

Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't, know where to start." We will then drink beer and belch as a form of holy communion.

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.

Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.

Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator).....this mainly applies to engineers.

Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex, cars, or hockey. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.

Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.

Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't....and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.

Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2005, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest, like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.


BENEFITS OF STRUGGLING

A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared, he sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole.

Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and it could go no farther. Then the man decided to help the butterfly, so he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily.

But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings. The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time.

Neither happened!

In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings.

It never was able to fly.

What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were God's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If God allowed us to go through our life without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been.

And we could never fly.

--author unknown


Cat Toys
Dugg Collins
February 17, 2005
CAT TOYS, I'VE SPENT A FORTUNE ON MY BOYS,
TOYS THAT WHIRL, TOYS THAT SPIN,
EACH WEEK, THERE'S SOMETHING NEW AGAIN.

THEY HAVE A RUBBER MOUSE, A PLASTIC MOUSE,
AND ALL SORTS OF STUFFED TOYS TOO,
THEY RARELY EVER NOTICE 'EM,
SO WHAT'S A CAT OWNER TO DO?

NO MORE MONEY WILL I SPEND ON TOYS,
BECAUSE I HAVE BECOME A SLY OL' FOX,
I MAKE MY BOYS HAPPY NOW,
WITH A STRING AND A CARDBOARD BOX.



Children's Observations
NUDITY

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5 yr old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

OPINIONS

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a Note from his Mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."

HONESTY

My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago."

SCHOOL

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"

DRESS-UP

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."

KETCHUP

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."

POLICE # 1

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"

POLICE # 2

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"

ELDERLY

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. The various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs, unfailingly intrigued her. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The Tooth Fairy will never believe this!"

DEATH

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his play- mates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with dignity, intoned his version of what he thought his Father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn ..... and into the hole he gooooes."

"Don't let your worries get the best of you, remember, Moses started out as a basket case"


Did You Ever Wonder
It's just human nature to wonder about things.

I was just wondering, if you ever wonder, about any of the following.

• Can you cry under water?
• How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
• If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
• Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
• Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
• Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
• Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
• What did cured ham actually have?
• How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
• Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
• If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
• If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
• Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV?
• Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
• How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?
• Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
• If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?
• Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Different Commandments
We all know the Ten Commandments set forth by our Lord, but here are some more that we should pay attention to.

They are known as......

DIFFERENT COMMANDMENTS:

1. Thou shall not worry, for worry is the most unproductive of all human activities.

2. Thou shall not be fearful, for most of the things we fear never come to pass.

3. Thou shall not cross bridges before you come to them, for no one yet has succeeded in accomplishing this.

4. Thou shall face each problem as it comes. You can only handle one at a time anyway.

5. Thou shall not take problems to bed with you, for they make very poor bedfellows.

6. Thou shall not borrow other people's problems.

7. Thou shall not try to relive yesterday for good or ill, it is forever gone. Concentrate on what is happening in your life and be happy now!

8. Thou shall be a good listener, for only when you listen do you hear ideas different from your own. It is hard to learn something new when you are talking, and some people do know more than you do.

9. Thou shall not become "bogged down" by frustration, for 90% of it is rooted in self-pity and will only interfere with positive action.

10. Thou shall count thy blessings, never overlooking the small ones, for a lot of small blessings add up to a big one.


Growing Old
Dugg Collins
August 9, 1992
I WALK A LITTLE SLOWER,
THAN I REALLY THINK I SHOULD.
IS THAT SPARK OF YOUTH, I ONCE HAD,
REALLY GONE FOR GOOD?

ARE MY FADING EYES MISSING,
WHAT YOUTHFUL EYES SEEM TO SEE?
OR IS IT SIMPLY, THAT I’VE SEEN BEFORE,
EVERYTHING IN FRONT OF ME.

DOES MY MIND TOO OFTEN WANDER,
IN A BACKWARD SORT OF VIEW?
TO SIMPLER DAYS, SIMPLER WAYS,
AND THAT YOUNG BOY I ONCE KNEW?

I GUESS HE’S GONE FOREVER,
THAT BOY OF MY YOUTH.
I NO LONGER SEE HIM IN THE MIRROR
AND IT’S TIME TO FACE THE TRUTH.

BUT EVEN NOW, IN MY MINDS EYE,
I CAN SEE HIS FACE SO BOLD.
ALAS, THE MIRROR SHOWS THE TRUTH,
I’M A MAN WHO’S GROWING OLD.


Dogs and Cats
EXCERPTS FROM THE DOG'S DIARY:
8:00 am- Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 am- Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite
9:40 am- Oh Boy! A walk! My favorite!
10:30 am- Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
11:30 am- Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
12:00noon-Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!
1:00 pm- Oh Boy! The yard! My favorite!
4:00 pm- Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!
5:00 pm- Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5:30 pm- Oh Boy! Mom! My favorite!
6:00 pm- Oh Boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6:30 pm- Oh Boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite!

EXCERPTS FROM THE CAT'S DIARY:
Day 183 Of My Captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.

Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs.

In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair, must try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was.

Hmmm, not working according to plan...

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit.

The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...


Facts About You
Think about this... You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.

1. At least 2 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. If not for you, someone may not be living.
8. You are special and unique.
9. Someone that you don't even know exists, loves you.
10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.
12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.
13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.
15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.


Family
I ran into a stranger as he passed by,
Oh excuse me please" was my reply.
He said, "Please excuse me too;
I wasn't watching for you."

We were very polite, this stranger and I.
We went on our way and we said good-bye.
But at home a different story is told,
How we treat our loved ones, young and old.

Later that day, cooking the evening meal,
My son stood beside me very still.
When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.
"Move out of the way," I said with a frown.

He walked away, his little heart broken.
I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.
While I lay awake in bed,
God's still small voice came to me and said,

While dealing with a stranger, common courtesy you use,
but the children you love, you seem to abuse.
Go and look on the kitchen floor,
You'll find some flowers there by the door.

Those are the flowers he brought for you.
He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.
He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise,
you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes."

By this time, I felt very small,
And now my tears began to fall
I quietly went and knelt by his bed;
"Wake up, little one, wake up," I said.

"Are these the flowers you picked for me?"
He smiled, "I found 'em, out by the tree.
I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.
I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue."

I said, "Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today;
I shouldn't have yelled at you that way."
He said, "Oh, Mom, that's okay.
I love you anyway." I said, "Son, I love you too,

and I do like the flowers, especially the blue."

FAMILY
Are you aware that if we died tomorrow, the company that we're working for could easily replace us in a matter of days. But the family we left behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than into our own family, an unwise investment indeed, don't you think?

So what is behind the story? Do you know what the word FAMILY means?

F-A-M-I-L-Y
FAMILY = (F)FATHER (A)ND (M)OTHER (I) (L)OVE (Y)OU


The Farmer
A man owned a small farm in Central Kansas. The Wage and Hour Department of Kansas claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent to interview him.

"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them", demanded the agent. "Well, there's my hired hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months and I pay her $500 a month plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit that works about 18 hours a day. I pay him $10 a week and buy him chewing tobacco", replied the farmer.

"That's the guy I want to talk to; the half-wit", says the agent. The farmer says, "That would be me".


For Joyce On Mother's Day
NO ONE in the world can even come close to you when it comes to love, compassion for others and getting things done.

I feel guilty at times because of so many of the "good times" I missed when the children were small. To tell the truth, it never really hit me until they were all grown and coming back home telling stories of their youth and the great things they remembered.

The stories always revolved around Mom and the things you cooked for them, the parties you sponsored, the school functions you attended with them, how you taught the boys in Jr. High to dance so they could entertain their dates, the nights you were up late waiting for them and me to come home. The Birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas and all the others events in life YOU made so very special for all of us.

Tommy will never forget all the help you gave him in Scouting and how you encouraged him to go all the way to Eagle Scout. Thank God you were always there for the kids, to be that kind of leader and to light the way to those great memories. Lorrie always said she so very proud to have the prettiest and youngest Mother of all her friends in school. She loved it when you attended school functions and she could show you off to everyone.

Patricia Lynn turned out to be a carbon copy of her Mother in everything she does. Without any discussion, she buys the same things you buy and when we go to their house, it's like walking into our home. Aubrey Lee loves you more than anything and wants to see you happy in all you do.

As for Ol' Dugg Collins? Honey, I could have searched the world over and never found anyone I could ever love as much as I love you. I think we found each other just when we both needed something to cling to in life. You have always been my rock in all I have ever done. I have told you hundreds of times that I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for you to steady my life, keep me on track and always support me no matter what it was I wanted to do.

There has been a hundred times more laughter than sadness since I met you 42 years ago. I can't thank you enough, but I will certainly give you my unconditional love for the rest of my days on this earth.

Just look at all the other great things that we helped create in life. Rachel, Rebecca, Lynde, Lane, Jack, Landyn and soon Lexi. Again, you have won the hearts of all these tykes as well. Their favorite is "Nana" and that's the way it should be. "Nana" always knows the right things to say, the right things to do and just the right toys to buy for all occasions.

This ain't no "Hallmark Card," and it certainly doesn't cover all the great things that you are to me, our children and the Grandkids, but it's written with all the love we have in our hearts for you now, and forever.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY MY DARLIN'. Your One and Only


FOR ALL THE MOMS OUT THERE
This is for the mothers who have sat up all night with sick toddlers in their arms, wiping up barf laced with Oscar Mayer wieners and cherry Kool-Aid saying, "It's okay honey, Mommy's here." Who have sat in rocking chairs for hours on end soothing crying babies who can't be comforted. This is for all the mothers who show up at work with spit-up in their hair and milk stains on their blouses and diapers in their purse.

For all the mothers who run carpools and make cookies and sew Halloween costumes. And all the mothers who DON'T. This is for the mothers who gave birth to babies they'll never see. And the mothers who took those babies and gave them homes.

This is for the mothers whose priceless art collections are hanging on their refrigerator doors. And for all the mothers who froze their buns on metal bleachers at football or soccer games instead of watching from the warmth of their cars, so that when their kids asked, "Did you see me, Mom?" they could say, "Of course, I wouldn't have missed it for the world," and mean it.

This is for all the mothers who yell at their kids in the grocery store and swat them in despair when they stomp their feet and scream for ice cream before dinner. And for all the mothers who count to ten instead, but realize how child abuse happens. This is for all the mothers who sat down with their children and explained all about making babies. And for all the (grand)mothers who wanted to, but just couldn't find the words. This is for all the mothers who go hungry, so their children can eat.

For all the mothers who read "Goodnight, Moon" twice a night for a year. And then read it again. "Just one more time." This is for all the mothers who taught their children to tie their shoelaces before they started school. And for all the mothers who opted for Velcro instead. This is for all the mothers who teach their sons to cook and their daughters to sink a jump shot. This is for every mother whose head turns automatically when a little voice calls "Mom?" in a crowd, even though they know their own offspring are at home -- or even away at college.

This is for all the mothers who sent their kids to school with stomach aches, assuring them they'd be just FINE once they got there, only to get calls from the school nurse an hour later asking them to please pick them up. Right away. This is for mothers whose children have gone astray, who can't find the words to reach them. For all the mothers who bite their lips until they bleed when their 14 year olds dye their hair green.

For all the mothers of the victims of recent school shootings, and the mothers of those who did the shooting. For the mothers of the survivors, and the mothers who sat in front of their TVs in horror, hugging their child who just came home from school, safely. This is for all the mothers who taught their children to be peaceful, and now pray they come home safely from a war. What makes a good Mother anyway? Is it patience? Compassion? Broad hips? The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and sew a button on a shirt, all at the same time?

Or is it in her heart?

Is it the ache you feel when you watch your son or daughter disappear down the street, walking to school alone for the very first time? The jolt that takes you from sleep to dread, from bed to crib at 2 A.M. to put your hand on the back of a sleeping baby? The panic, years later, that comes again at 2 A.M. when you just want to hear their key in the door and know they are safe again in your home? Or the need to flee from wherever you are and hug your child when you hear news of a fire, a car accident, a child dying?

The emotions of motherhood are universal and so our thoughts are for young mothers stumbling through diaper changes and sleep deprivation...

And mature mothers learning to let go.
For working mothers and stay-at-home mothers.
Single mothers and married mothers..
Mothers with money, mothers without.

This is for you all. From all of us.


Geese Facts
Next fall when you see geese heading south for the winter... flying along in V formation...you might consider what science has discovered as to why they fly that way:

As each bird flaps its wings, it creates an uplift for the bird immediately following. By flying in V formation the whole flock adds at least 71% greater flying range, than if each bird flew on its own.

People who share a common direction and sense of community can get where they are going more quickly and easily because they are traveling on the thrust of one another.

When a goose falls out of formation, it suddenly feels the drag and resistance of trying to go it alone... and quickly gets back into formation to take advantage of the lifting power of the bird in front. If we have as much sense as a goose, we will stay in formation with those who are headed the same way we are.

When the head goose gets tired it rotates back in the wing and another goose flies point. It is sensible to take turns doing demanding jobs...with people or with geese flying south.

Geese honk from behind to encourage those up front to keep up their speed. What do we say when we honk from behind?

Finally...and this is important...when a goose gets sick or is wounded by gunshots, and falls out of formation, two other geese fall out with that goose and follow it down to lend help and protection. They stay with the fallen goose until it is able to fly or until it dies, and only then do they launch out on their own, or with another formation to catch up with their group.

If we have the sense of a goose, we will stand by each other like that.


TWENTY EXCUSES NOT TO GO TO WORK

• I was sprayed by a skunk,,,,,
• I tripped over my dog and was knocked unconscious,,,
• My bus broke down and was held up by robbers,,,
• I was arrested as a result of mistaken identity,,,
• I forgot to come back after lunch,,,
• I couldn't find my shoes,,,,
• I hurt myself bowling,,,
• I was spit on by a venomous snake,,,
• I totaled my wife's jeep in a collision with a cow,,,
• A hitman was looking for me,,,
• My curlers burned my hair and I had to go to the hairdresser,,,
• I eloped,,,,
• My brain went to sleep and I couldn't wake it up,,,
• MY CAT UNPLUGGED MY ALARM CLOCK,,
• I had to be there for my husband's grand jury trial,,
• I had to ship my grandmother's bones to India,,,
• I forgot what day of the week it was,,,
• Someone slipped drugs in my drink last night,,,
• A tree fell on my car,,,
• My monkey died,,,,

Will they work you ask? I guess it all depends on how dumb your boss is. Try 'em at your own risk. I can tell you, none have ever worked for me.


WHY IS IT THAT WE HAVE TO SPEAK ENGLISH?
A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a Naval conference that included admirals from the U.S., English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a group of half dozen or so officers that included personnel from most of the countries.

Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French Admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English.

He then asked: "Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?"

Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied: "Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it, so you wouldn't have to speak German."


Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.
1841-1935
"I do not know the meaning of the universe. But in the midst of doubt, in the collapse of creeds, there is one thing I do not doubt, that no man who lives in the same world with most of us can doubt, and that is that the faith is true and adorable which leads a soldier to throw away his life in obedience to a blindly accepted duty, in a cause which he little understands, in a plan of campaign of which he has little notion, under tactics of which he does not see the use."

Memorial Day Address, 30 May 1895


How It's Done
The little boy asked his father - Daddy, how was I born?

Dad responds, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you will need to find out . So here goes."

"Well, your Mom and I first got together in a chat room

Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.

Then we sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.

As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button.

Nine months later a blessed little Popup appeared and said:

You've Got Male!"


Dictionary For Women
Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.

Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.

Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, "made the dinner."

Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.

Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.

Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.

Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."

Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space-if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.

Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breath...push..."

Lipstick (lip*stik) n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!

Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.

Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."

Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card,


HIS WORK Dugg Collins    April 13, 2005
I HAVE OFTEN WONDERED HOW THE LORD,
GAVE FLOWERS SUCH A SWEET SMELL.
I SURELY CAN'T EXPLAIN IT,
BUT HE DID IT WELL.

I LOVE THE CLOUDS THAT FLOAT AROUND HEAVEN,
SO PRETTY AND SO WHITE.
AND THE STARS THAT LIGHT THE SKY,
ON A WARM SUMMER NIGHT.

THE WONDERFUL RAIN SHOWERS,
THAT FALL IN SPRING.
BRINGS OUT THE BEAUTY OF THE GARDENS.
AND ALL THE BLOOMING THINGS.

DURING THE AUTUMN DAYS WHEN WE SEE,
HUNDREDS OF BEAUTIFUL COLORS.
WE SEE THE LEAVES ON BRANCHES
THAT JUST MELD WITH ONE ANOTHER.

WHEN WINTER COMES AND SNOW FALL
COVERS UP THE GROUND.
YOU CAN HEAR THE LAUGHTER OF CHILDREN,
AND SEE SNOWMEN ALL AROUND.

HIS BEAUTIFUL WORK, ALWAYS BRINGS
A SMILE TO MY FACE.
AND I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE A NEW DAY
TO WITNESS BEAUTY, TIME CAN NOT ERASE.


I JUST SAID HELLO,
I DON’T WANT TO SAY GOODBYE. Dugg Collins    December 10, 2004
I just said hello, I don’t want to say goodbye,
I have truly been amazed,
at how fast my Earth time flies.
One day I was young and vibrant,
now I’m old and grey,
all the things I treasured,
are slowly slipping away.

The end came too soon, for many I have known,
leaving those who loved them,
to spend their time alone.
I wonder at times, why, this had to be,
and I think, but for the Grace of God,
it might have been me.

I reckon we get back from life,
just what we put in.
Some I’ve known, never understood that,
and I think it’s just a sin.

When my time comes to leave,
I’ll just say with a sigh.
I just said hello,
I don’t want to say goodbye.


Life Dugg Collins    March 21, 2005
Those we have held in our arms,
for a little while,
We hold in our hearts forever.

For a fleeting moment,
they brought much joy,
To lives that needed special
love and affection.

God loans us little gifts,
Children to love, parents to teach,
Grandparents from which to learn
Grandchildren to cuddle and laugh with.

Why is it then, we do not appreciate
all the lovely thing we have,
But for such a short period of
time in a lifetime?

The good things go away before you know it.
No farewell words spoken,
No time to say goodbye,
And only God knows why.

Graveyards are filled with tombstones,
with words engraved in granite,
that were probably never spoken in life.

If teardrops of regret,
could build a bridge to the past,
would you be able to cry enough
to make the trip?

Many loves in one's life
will be remembered.
Only one will have any real value,
if you are smart enough to know it.

Memories, Oh Sweet Memories.
Those we have held in our arms
but for a little while,
We hold in our hearts forever.



Last time I was in Amarillo, my youngest son and I had a conversation along the lines of what I'm about to read you this morning. In fact, this first part concerning fast food is pretty much right on. The rest, I surely remember well and I know you may as well. I guess if I can remember all this...that makes me......

Older 'n Dirt!!
"Hey Dad," one of my kids asked the other day, "What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?"
"We didn't have fast food when I was growing up," I informed him. "All the food was slow."

"C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?"

"It was a place called 'at home,'" I explained. "Your Grandma cooked every day and when Grandpa got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it."

By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table. But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood, if I figured his system could have handled it:

Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore Levis, set foot on a golf course, traveled out of the country or had a credit card. In their later years they had something called a revolving charge card. The card was good only at Sears Roebuck. Or maybe it was Sears AND Roebuck. Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore. Maybe he died.

My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because we never had heard of soccer. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow). We didn't have a television in our house until I was 11, but my grandparents had one before that. It was, of course, black and white, but they bought a piece of colored plastic to cover the screen. The top third was blue, like the sky, and the bottom third was green, like grass. The middle third was red. It was perfect for programs that had scenes of fire trucks riding across someone's lawn on a sunny day. Some people had a lens taped to the front of the TV to make the picture look larger.

I was 13 before I tasted my first pizza, it was called "pizza pie." When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid off, swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that, too. It's still the best pizza I ever had.

We didn't have a car until I was 15. Before that, the only car in our family was my grandfather's Ford. He called it a "machine."

I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone in the house was in the living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line.

Pizzas were not delivered to our home. But milk was.

All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers. I delivered a newspaper, six days a week. It cost 7 cents a paper, of which I got to keep 2 cents. I had to get up at 4 AM every morning. On Saturday, I had to collect the 42 cents from my customers. My favorite customers were the ones who gave me 50 cents and told me to keep the change. My least favorite customers were the ones who seemed to never be home on collection day.
Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies. Touching someone else's tongue with yours was called French kissing and they didn't do that in movie when I was a boy. I don't know what they did in French movies, never did see one. French movies were dirty I was told and, never shown at the Palace or Ritz Theaters in my town.

If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing.

Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?


Our Soldiers
I watched the flag pass by one day,
It fluttered in the breeze.
A young Marine saluted it,
And then he stood at ease..

I looked at him in uniform
So young, so tall, so proud,
With hair cut square and eyes alert
He'd stand out in any crowd.
I thought how many men like him
Had fallen through the years.
How many died on foreign soil
How many mothers' tears?
How many pilots' planes shot down?
How many died at sea
How many foxholes were soldiers' graves?
No, freedom isn't free.

I heard the sound of Taps one night,
When everything was still,
I listened to the bugler play
And felt a sudden chill.

I wondered just how many times
That Taps had meant "Amen,"
When a flag had draped a coffin.
Of a brother or a friend.
I thought of all the children,
Of the mothers and the wives,
Of fathers, sons and husbands, With interrupted lives.

I thought about a graveyard
At the bottom of the sea
Of unmarked graves in Arlington.
No, freedom isn't free.
Enjoy Your Freedom & God Bless Our Troops.


Potato Chips Writer Unknown
A little boy wanted to meet God.
He knew it was a long trip to where God
lived, so he packed his suitcase with a bag of potato
chips and a six-pack of root beer
and started his journey.

When he had gone about three blocks,
he met an old woman. She was sitting in
the park, just staring at some pigeons.
The boy sat down next to her and opened his suitcase.
He was about to take a drink from
his root beer when he noticed that the old lady
looked hungry, so he offered her some chips.
She gratefully accepted it and smiled at him.

Her smile was so pretty that the
boy wanted to see it again, so he
offered her a root beer. Again,
she smiled at him. The boy was
delighted! They sat there all afternoon eating
and smiling, but they never said a word.

As twilight approached, the boy realized
how tired he was and he got up
to leave; but before he had gone
more than a few steps, he turned
around, ran back to the old woman, and gave
her a hug. She gave him her biggest smile ever

When the boy opened the door to his
own house a short time later, his
mother was surprised by the look
of joy on his face. She asked him,
"What did you do today that made you so
happy?" He replied, "I had lunch
with God." But before his mother could
respond, he added, "You know what?
She's got the most beautiful
smile I've ever seen!"

Meanwhile, the old woman, also radiant
with joy, returned to her home.
Her son was stunned by the look
of peace on her face and he asked,
"Mother, what did you do today
that made you so happy?" She replied,
"I ate potato chips in the park with God."
However, before her son responded,
she added, "You know, he's much
younger than I expected."

Too often we underestimate the power
of a touch, a smile, a kind word,
a listening ear, an honest compliment,
or the smallest act of caring, all
of which have the potential to turn a
life around. People come into
our lives for a reason, a season, or
a lifetime. Embrace all equally!

Have lunch with God........bring chips.


Signs You May Be Nuts
~ You write to your mother in Germany every week, even though she sends you mail from Iowa asking why you never write.

~ You're always having to apologize to your next door neighbor for setting fire to his lawn decorations.

~ Nobody listens to you anymore, because they can't understand you through that scuba mask.

~ You begin to stop and consider all of the blades of grass you've stepped on as a child, and worry that their ancestors are going to one day seek revenge.

~ You have meaningful conversations with your toaster.

~ You collect dead windowsill flies.

~ Every time the phone rings, you shout, "Hey! An angel just got its wings!"

~ You cry at the end of every episode of Gilligan's Island, because they weren't rescued.

~ Whenever you listen to the radio, the music sounds backwards.

~ You have a predominant fear of fabric softener.

~ You wake up each morning and find yourself sitting on your head in the middle of your front lawn.

~ Your dentist asks you why each individual tooth has your name etched on it, and you tell him it's for security reasons.

~ When the waiter asks for your order, you ask to go into another room to tell him, because "the napkins have ears."

~ You tend to agree with everything your mother's dead uncle tells you.

~ You call up random people and ask if you can borrow their dog, just for a few minutes.

~ You like to sit in cornfields for prolonged periods of time, and pretend that you're a stalk.


Texans In Heaven
Gabriel came to the Lord and said, "I have to talk to you. We have some Texans up here who are causing problems. Ol' Mike's swinging on the pearly gates, my horn is missing, barbecue sauce is all over their robes, Tex Ritter's dogs are riding in the chariots, they're wearing baseball caps and Ernest Tubb & Bob Wills are wearing cowboy hats instead of their halos.

They refuse to keep the stairway to heaven clean. There are watermelon seeds and BAR-B-Q rib bones all over the place. Some of them are walking around with just one wing."

The Lord said, "Texans are Texans, Gabriel. Heaven is Home to all my children. If you want to know about real problems, call the Devil."

The Devil answered the phone, "Hello? Dang, hold on a minute."

The Devil returned to the phone, "O.K., I'm back. What can I do for you?"

Gabriel replied, "I just want to know what kind of problems you're having down there."

The Devil said, "Hold on again. I need to check on something."

After about 5 minutes the Devil returned to the phone and said, "I'm back. Now what was the question?"

Gabriel said, "What kind of problems are you having down there?"

The Devil said, "Man, I don't believe this....Hold on."

This time the Devil was gone 15 minutes. The Devil returned and said, "I'm sorry Gabriel, I can't talk right now. Those dang Texans have put out the fire and are trying to install air conditioning."


THAT OLD SCHOOLGIRL O' MINE Anonymous
I've been looking through some letter, tied with ribbons years ago,
Written by a schoolgirl sweetheart, to an awkward, bashful beau.
Every pencil marks a message, building castles in the air,
They were written by a maiden, years ago, with golden hair.

There's a valued treasure at the end of every line,
In that package filled with letters, from that old schoolgirl o' mine.
Some would say 'twas silly childhood, far too young to be sincere,
Foolish letters by a school girl, at the end "I love you, dear."

That handwriting breathed expression, of a heart beyond control,
And a love that knew no boundaries, pen expressing heart and soul.
But I cherish those old letters, every page seems to shine,
There's a message to her sweetheart, from that old schoolgirl o' mine.

Time has made some change in features, though it has not changed our ways,
We are still the same old sweethearts, as we were in childhood days.
Though her hair has turned to silver, and there's wrinkles in her brow,
Though her steps a little slower, still, she just the same...somehow.

Has that same old tender feeling,
there's love almost devine.
She's to me that same old sweetheart,
and that old schoolgirl of mine.

The Cowboy

It used to tick me off when the Muslim detractors in the Middle East, or detractors in Europe and others called our President a cowboy, but the more I think about it, the more glad I am that he is.

When I was a kid, cowboys were my heroes. Well, I mean the ones in the white hats, not the black hats, who were usually the bad guys.

• There was Tex Ritter, Tom Mix, Buck Jones,
• Hopalong Cassidy, the Lone Ranger.....
• There was Red Ryder, Gene Autry, Roy Rogers... then later, there was Marshall Matt Dillon, Hoss & Li'l Joe Cartwright,
• Paladin, Maverick and others...
• Rawhide's Rowdy Yates

What were common attributes of these legendary cowboys?

• Here are a few:
• They were never looking for trouble.
• But when trouble came, they faced it with courage.
• They were always on the side of right.
• They defended good people against bad people.
• They had high morals.
• They had good manners.
• They were honest.

They spoke their minds and they spoke the truth, regardless of what people thought or "political correctness," which no one had ever heard of back then. They were a beacon of integrity in the wild, wild West.

They were respected. When they walked into a saloon (where they usually drank only sarsaparilla), the place became quiet, and the bad guys kept their distance.

If in a gunfight, they could outdraw anyone. If in a fist fight, they could beat up anyone.

They always won. They always got their man. In victory, they rode off into the sunset.

Those were the days when there was such a thing as right and wrong, something blurred in our modern world, and denied by many.

Now, as an older citizen, I still like cowboys... They represent something good -- something pure that America has been missing.

Ronald Reagan was a cowboy.

Ronald Reagan was brave, positive, and gave us hope. He wore a white hat. To the consternation of his critics, he had the courage to call a spade a spade and call the former Soviet Union what it was -- the evil empire.

President Bush distinguishes between good and evil. He calls a spade a spade, and after 9-11 called evil "evil," without mincing any words. That's what cowboys do, you know. He also told the French to "put their cards on the table" (old West talk).

In the old West, might did not make right. Right made might.

Cowboys in white hats were always on the side of right, and that was their might.

I am glad my President is a cowboy. He got his man. Cowboys do you know. I'll bet Saddam wishes he had never heard the word cowboy.

Atta boy Mr. President.

My Friends

Hello There Nice Person
Did Anyone Ever Tell You,
Just How Special You Are
The Light that You Emit
Might even Light a Star

Did Anyone Ever Tell You
How Important You Make Others Feel
Somebody out here is Smiling
Because the Love you give is so Real

Did Anyone Ever Tell You
Many Times, When They were Sad
Your comments made Them Smile a bit
In Fact It made Them Glad

For the Time You Spend on good Things
And Sharing whatever You Find
There are No Words to Thank You
But Somebody, Thinks You're Fine

Did Anyone Ever Tell You
Just How Much They Like You
Well, My Dearest listening Friends
Today I am Telling You!

I believe that without friends you are missing out on a lot!!!

I feel like the richest man in the world because you're there each day for me and I thank you.

An Old Farmer's Advice

• Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
• A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
• Words that soak into your ears are whispered ... not yelled.
• Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.
• Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
• Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
• It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
• You cannot unsay a cruel word.
• Every path has a few puddles.
• When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
• The best sermons are lived, not preached.
• Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.
• Don't judge folks by their relatives.
• Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
• Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.
• Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.
• Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
• If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
• Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
• The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.
• Always drink upstream from the herd.
• Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
• Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.
• If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
• Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

Raising Boys

• For those with no children - this is totally hysterical!
• For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
• For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
• For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
• For those who have not yet had children, but are thinking about it, this is birth control.

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas... Things I've learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding):

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape.

It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR's do not eject "PB &J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

25.) Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids

Tax Time

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress, But I repeat myself. - Mark Twain

I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle - Winston Churchill

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. -- George Bernard Shaw

A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. -- G. Gordon Liddy

Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner. -- James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)

Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. -- Douglas Casey, Classmate of W.J. Clinton at Georgetown U. (1992)

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. -- P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian

Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. -- Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850)

Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. -- Ronald Reagan (1986)

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. -- Will Rogers

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. -- P.J. O'Rourke

If you want government to intervene domestically, you're a liberal. If you want government to intervene overseas, you're a conservative. If you want government to intervene everywhere, you're a moderate. If you don't want government to intervene anywhere, you're an extremist. - Joseph Sobran, Editor of the National Review at one time (1995)

In general, the art of government consists in taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. -- Voltaire (1764)

Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you. -- Pericles (430 B.C.)

No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session. -- Mark Twain (1866)

Talk is cheap-except when Congress does it. -- (Unknown)

The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other - Ronald Reagan

The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. -- Winston Churchill

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. -- Mark Twain

The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. -- Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)

There is no distinctly native American criminal class save Congress. Mark Twain

What this country needs are more unemployed politicians. --Edward Langley, Artist (1928 - 1995)

Do You Remember When ...?

All the girls had ugly gym uniforms?
It took five minutes for the TV warm up?
Nearly everyone's Mom was at home when the kids got home from school?
Nobody owned a purebred dog?
When a quarter was a decent allowance?
You'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny?

Your Mom wore nylons that came in two pieces?
All your male teachers wore neckties and female teachers had their hair done every day and wore high heels?

You got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking, all for free, every time?

And you didn't pay for air? And, you got trading stamps to boot?

Laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the box?

It was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents?

They threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed. . .and they did?

When a 57 Chevy was everyone's dream car...to cruise, peel out, lay rubber or watch submarine races, and people went steady?

No one ever asked where the car keys were because they were always in the car, in the ignition, and the doors were never locked?

Lying on your back in the grass with your friends and saying things like, "That cloud looks like a .." and playing baseball with no adults to help kids with the rules of the game?

Stuff from the store came without safety caps and hermetic seals because no one had yet tried to poison a perfect stranger?

And with all our progress, don't you just wish, just once, you could slip back in time and savor the slower pace, and share it with the children of today?

When being sent to the Principal's office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited the student at home? Basically we were in fear for our lives, but it wasn't because of drive-by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc.

Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat! But we survived because their love was greater than the threat.

Send this on to someone who can still remember Nancy Drew, the Hardy Boys, Laurel and Hardy, Howdy Dowdy and the Peanut Gallery, the Lone Ranger, The Shadow Knows, Nellie Bell, Roy and Dale, Trigger and Buttermilk.

As well as summers filled with bike rides, baseball games, Hula Hoops, bowling and visits to the pool, and eating Kool-Aid powder with sugar. Didn't that feel good, just to go back and say, "Yeah, I remember that"?

I am sharing this with you today because it ended with a double dog dare to pass it on. To remember what a double dog dare is, read on. And remember that the perfect age is somewhere between old enough to know better and too young to care.

How many of these do you remember?

Candy cigarettes
Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles
Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes
Blackjack, Clove and Teaberry chewing gum
Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
Newsreels before the movie
P.F. Fliers
Telephone numbers with a word prefix....(Raymond 4-601).
Party lines

Peashooters
Howdy Dowdy
45 RPM records
Green Stamps
Hi-Fi's
Metal ice cubes trays with levers
Mimeograph paper
Beanie and Cecil
Roller-skate keys
Cork pop guns
Drive ins
Studebakers

Washtub wringers
The Fuller Brush Man
Reel-To-Reel tape recorders
Tinkertoys
Erector Sets
The Fort Apache Play Set
Lincoln Logs
15 cent McDonald hamburgers

5 cent packs of baseball cards - with that awful pink slab of bubble gum

Penny candy
35 cent a gallon gasoline
Jiffy Pop popcorn
Do you remember a time when...

Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-moe"?
Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "Do Over!"?
"Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest?
We didn't "find ourselves" ? we just found getting busy and working hard made problems find the door themselves.
Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening? It wasn't odd to have two or three "Best Friends"?

The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was "cooties"?
Having a weapon in school meant being caught with a slingshot?
A foot of snow was a dream come true?

Saturday morning cartoons weren't 30-minute commercials for action figures?
"Oly-oly-oxen-free" made perfect sense?
Spinning around, getting dizzy, and falling down was cause for giggles?
The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team?
War was a card game?
Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle?
Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin?
Water balloons were the ultimate weapon?

If you can remember most or all of these, then you have lived!!!!!!!

Some Senior Humor
Submitted by Ed Harris

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

**************************************

Reporters interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

**************************************

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband? "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home is it?"

**************************************

I've sure gotten old. I've had 2 by-pass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But.....Thank God, I still have my driver's license!

**************************************

A 97 year old man goes into his doctor's office and says, "Doc, I want my sex drive lowered." "Sir", replied the doctor, "You're 97. Don't you think your sex drive is all in your head?" "You're darned right it is!" replied the old man. "That's why I want it lowered!"

**************************************

An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will and make her final requests. She told her rabbi she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Bloomingdales. "Bloomingdales?" the rabbi exclaimed. "Why Bloomingdales?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."

**************************************

A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect." "Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?" "Twelve thirty."

**************************************

Morris, an 82 year-old man, finally went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'" The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur. Be careful.

Ten Cent Drinks

Four retired guys are walking down a street in Mesa. They turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timer's Bar - ALL DRINKS 10 CENTS!"

They look at each other, then go in. On the inside, they realize in this case, they should not judge the 'book by its cover.' The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, Gentlemen?"

There seems to be a fully-stocked bar, so the men all ask for a martini. In short order, the bartender serves up 4 iced martinis - shaken, not stirred - and says, "That'll be 10 cents each, please." The four men stare at the bartender for a moment then look at each other. They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round.

Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the bartender again saying, "That's 40 more cents, please." They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity is more than they can stand. They've each had two martinis, and so far they've spent less than a dollar. Finally one of the men says, "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime apiece?"

The bartender says, "I'm a retired tailor from Brooklyn, and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the lottery for $25 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime, wine, liquor, beer, all the same."

"Wow, that's quite a story," says one of the men. The four of them sipped at their martinis and couldn't help but notice three other guys at the end of the bar who didn't have a drink in front of them, and hadn't ordered anything the whole time they were there.

One man gestures at the three at the end of the bar without drinks and asks the bartender, "What's with them?" The bartender replies, "

Oh, they're all musicians... they're waiting for happy hour."

Memorial Day
May 24,2005
Dugg Collins

MEMORIAL DAY, SOME FOLKS THINK
IT'S JUST A HOLIDAY,
FREE TIME TO RUN AND PLAY
MAYBE TRAVEL OR BAR-B-Q
NEVER THINKING OF THOSE WHO DIED FOR YOU.

CEMETERIES ARE FULL OF THESE VERY BRAVE SOULS
WHO ANSWERED THE CALL
AND GAVE THEIR ALL.
SO YOUNG, SO BRAVE, THEY LAID DOWN THEIR LIFE
TO SECURE THE FREEDOM, WE THINK IS OUR RIGHT.

IN TWO WORLD WARS, THEY SERVED US WELL,
THEY FOUGHT UNDER CONDITIONS, THAT WAS LIVING HELL.
IN CHILLING COLD AND UNBEARABLE HEAT,
THEY FACED HEAD ON,
ANY ENEMY THEY MUST DEFEAT

TO KOREA THEY WENT, TO AN UNDECLARED WAR,
TOO MANY DIED IN THIS COUNTRY SO FAR.
THEY NEVER GOT TO LIVE THE LIFE
THEY WERE GIVEN,
NEVER RETURNING TO THE FREEDOM
THAT WE WERE LIVING.

THEN CAME VIET NAM AND FIFTY THOUSAND MORE,
LAID DOWN THEIR LIVES FOR AN UNJUST WAR.
FOR THOSE WHO RETURNED, THEY SUFFERED MUCH SCORN,
SIMPLY BECAUSE OF THE UNIFORM THEY HAD WORN.

WE NOW SEND OUR YOUNG OFF TO THE MIDDLE EAST,
TO TRY AND SAVE A REGION THAT WILL NEVER KNOW PEACE.
ON THE EVENING NEWS, WE HEAR OF THE KILLING,
HOW MUCH MORE CAN WE DO, HOW LONG ARE WE WILLING?

I DON'T CELEBRATE WAR ON MEMORIAL DAY,
I CRY FOR THOSE WHO HAVE GONE AWAY.
I CELEBRATE THOSE VETERANS, WHO SAFELY RETURNED HOME,
TO BE WITH FAMILY AND FORGET THE HARDSHIPS THEY'VE KNOWN.

I WILL NEVER FORGET ALL YOU'VE DONE FOR ME,
EACH TIME I SEE THE FLAG, IT'S YOUR FACE THAT I SEE.
I LOVE YOU MORE, THAN MERE WORDS CAN EVER SAY,
YOU ARE TRULY IN MY HEART...THIS MEMORIAL DAY.
MY DEAR VETERAN FRIENDS.......

MAY GOD BLESS YOU ALL and GOD BLESS AMERICA.

The City of Regret

I had not really planned to take a trip this year, yet I found myself packing anyway. And off I went, dreading it. I was on another guilt trip.

I booked my reservation on "Wish I Had" airlines. I didn't check my bags...everyone carries their own baggage on this airline...and I had to drag it for what seemed like miles in the Regret City airport. And I could see that people from all over the world were there with me, limping along under the weight of bags they had packed themselves.

I caught a cab to Last Resort Hotel, the driver taking the whole trip backward, looks over his shoulder. And there I found the ballroom where my event would be held: The Annual Pity Party. As I checked in, I saw that all my old colleagues were on the guest list:

The Had family...If I Had, Woulda Had, Coulda Had, and Shoulda Had Both of the Opportunities... Missed and Lost All the Yesterdays...there were too many to count, but all would have sad stories to share. Shattered Dreams and Broken Promises would be there, too, along with their friends Don't Blame Me and Couldn't Help It.

And of course, hours and hours of entertainment would be provided by that renowned storyteller, It’s Their Fault.

As I prepared to settle in for a really long night, I realized that one person had the power to send all those people home and break up the party: me. All I had to do was return to the present and welcome the new day!

If you have found yourself getting on a flight to the City of Regret, recognize that it's a trip you book yourself, and you can cancel it at any time...without penalty or fee. But you're the only one who can.

FOR ALL THE MOMS IN AMERICA.

If you still have yours, this will mean a lot. Even more if your Mom is no longer with you.

The young mother set her foot on the path of life. "Is this the long way?" she asked. And the guide said: "Yes, and the way is hard. And you will be older before you reach the end of it. But the end will be better than the beginning."

But the young mother was happy, and she would not believe that anything could be better than these years. So she played with her children, and gathered flowers for them along the way, and bathed them in the clear streams; and the sun shone on them, and the young Mother cried, "Nothing will ever be lovelier than this."

Then the night came, and the storm, and the path was dark, and the children shook with fear and cold, and the mother drew them close and covered them with her mantle, and the children said, "Mother, we are not afraid, for you are near, and no harm can come."

And the morning came, and there was a hill ahead, and the children climbed and grew weary, and the mother was weary. But at all times she said to the children," A little patience and we are there." So the children climbed, and when they reached the top they said, "Mother, we would not have done it without you."

And the mother, when she lay down at night looked up at the stars and said, "This is a better day than the last, for my children have learned fortitude in the face of hardness. Yesterday I gave them courage. Today, I've given them strength."

And the next day came strange clouds which darkened the earth, clouds of war and hate and evil, and the children groped and stumbled, and the mother said: "Look up. Lift your eyes to the light. " And the children looked and saw above the clouds an everlasting glory, and it guided them beyond the darkness. And that night the Mother said, "This is the best day of all, for I have shown my children God."

And the days went on, and the weeks and the months and the years, and the mother grew old and she was little and bent. But her children were tall and strong, and walked with courage. And when the way was rough, they lifted her, for she was as light as a feather; and at last they came to a hill, and beyond they could see a shining road and golden gates flung wide. And mother said, "I have reached the end of my journey. And now I know the end is better than the beginning, for my children can walk alone, and their children after them."

And the children said, "You will always walk with us, Mother, even when you have gone through the gates." And they stood and watched her as she went on alone, and the gates closed after her. And they said: "We cannot see her but she is with us still. A Mother like ours is more than a memory. She is a living presence......."

Your Mother is always with you.... She's the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street; she's the smell of bleach in your freshly laundered socks; she's the cool hand on your brow when you're not well. Your Mother lives inside your laughter. And she's crystallized in every tear drop. She's the place you came from, your first home; and she's the map you follow with every step you take. She's your first love and your first heartbreak, and nothing on earth can separate you. Not time, not space... not even death!